Well, blog followers...I feel kinda fried today. I am mentally drained. I have a project that is consuming my world which is good in the financial aspect of life, but not so good in the mental aspect. I am tired of working too late, I am tired of trying to keep everything straight, organized and done well. I am mentally and physically exhausted but I am still trying to maintain some health and some sort of balance in my life...which can be hard to do at times.
Here is the truth though, there are alot of other things going on that are contributing to the mental overload. Some of you already know this, some may have an idea, and some this may come as a complete and utter shock...but Tim and I are separated. For some reason that is actually really hard to type out. He got an apartment two weeks ago and I can't say that I have completely and utterly broken down yet, but I am sure it is to come. I have probably been too busy with work and typical things to dwell on it, which maybe is a good thing.
I have been dreading to post this, but at the same time I don't want to live in a fantasy world that all is perfect at the Hess household. I am not sure that any household is, but when you think that yours will be able to stand the test of time and then that becomes a question it can be hard to swallow.
It was a mutual decision, to take a break, step back and figure out what it is we truly want and hopefully regain the visual of how much the other person truly means to us and be able to make a decision how to move forward. Tim and I have been traveling on a road together for quite awhile, we met almost 13 years ago at Purdue and started dating shortly afterward. The road was amazing, adventurous, fun and so different from any other road. I think we traveled lots of different places, up mountains and down and were able to stay so close. But a few years ago we started hitting pot holes and those pot holes would get patched and then new ones seemed to appear or ones came back and seemed even larger. Eventually we got stuck. Stuck in a big hole that nobody could seem to get us out of. We tried lots of different ways but nothing seemed to work. Sometimes I felt like I was just digging the pothole deeper instead of helping us out.
So we decided that maybe some space would be good. Maybe we had been stuck in that pothole for too long together and maybe if we helped the other person out then maybe we could see the situation better than looking at it from inside the hole.
So that is where we are at, at least as simply stated as it can get. I ask for your support of both of us, your prayers that our hearts can be healed and that we take this time to focus on ourselves, heal ourselves, draw closer to God and then let Him lead us in the direction that we are meant to go. I want to say thanks for all of those who are already doing those things. Keep it up! Prayer is a powerful thing.
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7 comments:
I'm very proud of you! Sometimes it takes putting things in writing to really let your feelings out. Do you know who taught me that? YOU!! Not that I have done it lately, but it all started with prayer journaling. When I was in the toughest part of my life, you had me writing things down. I look back at that book now, and I see how far I've come. But I couldn't have done it without God, family and good friends! Hang in there. You know where I am if you need me.
There is a purpose to this life of ours. Part of that purpose is to be tested, to struggle. Everything around us atests to that. Flowers need to be cut back in order to grow to their full potential, muscles need to be broken down in order to rebuild stronger than before. What a loving God we have who knows that by giving us trial and suffering, we will become stronger, more capable. Our faith becomes more anchored in His gospel, and our relationship with Him becomes closer as we see the miracles that occur by more fully putting our lives in His hands. You and your family will come through this refiner's fire. You will. And we'll have your back the whole way. Love you.
wow...i don't know what to say after those two girls comments. they basically covered it all. you're definitely in our thoughts and prayers and we love you too much to describe! have to plan that girls weekend!! xoxo
My prayer is that not only will you guys make it through this, but your marriage will be even stronger and happier than before. God is the one who will pull you both out of those pot holes and patch them up. Love you!
I have always felt that my blog has been a source of therapy for me - feels good to get it out there.
I'm very proud of you for being honest - we will be praying for your family and what the future may hold for you all.
I'm always here for you - hope you know that.
i'm sure it helped to write that out. i'm sure it wasn't easy though. you're a strong woman and this will only make you stronger! know i'm here for you if you ever need to just talk or vent.
our prayers have been with you all along. We certainly don't want to see you apart, and we hope you can grow from this together to get back on the same road, hand-in-hand.
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